I’m a natural compliment giver. While I’m reserved enough that I don’t run around giving compliments to just anyone, my love language is words of affirmation, so when I’m around someone I love, complimenting is a very natural way for me to express my love. Unfortunately, compliments by themselves mean very little to my husband, which puts me in a tricky situation.
You see, my husband’s love language is acts of service. As he so often puts it, “Words mean nothing. Anyone can say anything they want.” This puts me in a tough situation. How do I give compliments that will be meaningful to my husband?
Because compliments by themselves do not mean much to him, I have found a way to connect my compliments to actions. Just like gifts don’t speak to my soul, compliments don’t speak to his, so I need to take actions that show my appreciation for the things that he does. For example, to show my appreciation for him doing the laundry, I might clean up the kitchen, then let him know that I appreciated him doing the laundry so much that it inspired me to do something for him. This lets me compliment him while connecting the compliment to an action, which makes him feel even more loved.
So if your partner, like mine, doesn’t have words of affirmation as one of their primary love languages, I would suggest trying to find a way to connect compliments with their primary love language. That might mean bringing home a little gift with a note attached expressing your appreciation or setting aside time to spend together as a thank you for an extra effort your partner has taken. However you do it, finding a way to connect your compliments to your partner’s primary love language can give the compliments a power beyond what they would have by themselves.
If you aren’t sure what your partner’s love language is or why love languages are important, this post may help.