Tags
appreciation, attitude, awareness, communication, finances, kindness, marriage, money, relationships
Since we’re talking this week about letting your partner have his small indulgences, let’s talk today about how to distinguish between a small indulgence that you should let go and a indulgence that could cause a serious problem for your relationship. Obviously, spending carefully is important for financial peace, but so is knowing what things not to worry about.
Here are a few things to consider to determine whether something is a small indulgence you can let go:
1. How precarious is your financial situation?
If you are in a very tight position financially, then what is a small indulgence to another couple may be a serious concern for you. If your partner’s small indulgence could be enough to push your family over the edge financially, that probably means it is time to have a serious conversation about finances and see what you can adjust to make yourselves more stable. This may include asking your partner to limit his his indulgence to a certain frequency, but make sure you also look at your indulgences to see what you can let go.
Check out small habits that can add up to a large financial problem here: http://www.cheatsheet.com/personal-finance/5-bad-financial-habits-that-could-hurt-you-down-the-line.html/?a=viewall
2. Does it hurt your relationship in another way?
Some indulgences may not be a problem financially, but are problematic for your relationship anyway. For example, going out to eat with a certain friend each week may not be a problem financially, but if your partner consistently comes back from those dinners with a more negative perspective on your relationship each time because his friend has a bad attitude toward you or toward relationships, that small indulgence can end up causing a problem.
For more on identifying whether certain friends are helping or hurting your relationship, check out this article: http://marriagemissions.com/are-friends-helping-or-hurting-marriage-message-323/
3. Would you consider it a small indulgence if it was yours?
In my experience, it is much easier to justify my own small expenses than to accept the justification for my husband’s expenses. What seems unreasonable because it is important to your partner, but not to you, might seem much more reasonable if you imagine it as your indulgence, or think of an indulgence that you cling to that may not make sense to him at all.
4. Does it make your partner a happier person? A better partner?
Many small indulgences are coping mechanisms that people develop to help themselves to stay in a cheerful state of mind. Even if you don’t understand the indulgence, it may be helping your partner to have a small shot of joy in his day. If your partner’s indulgence seems to make him happy, allowing him to enjoy it will not only make him happier, but will also help him to be a better partner because he is in a more positive frame of mind. On the other hand, if he seems to feel worse after his indulgence, the situation may warrant a discussion.
If your partner’s indulgence (or yours) is causing negativity, here’s a list of positive habits that might work as a substitute: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/25-tiny-habits-that-could-totally-change-your-life.html
Overall, the principle is this: If your partner’s indulgence is not hurting your relationship and it makes him happy, let it go. You will both be happier for it, and who knows, he just might be more understanding of your indulgence, because, let’s be honest, we all have one!