I am of the opinion that being pregnant is a wonderful thing, even if the circumstances aren’t the best, because a new person is being brought into the world, with all the potential that an individual brings. When you are in a good place financially and emotionally to have a baby, like we are, it is perhaps even more wonderful. Honestly, though, being pregnant has turned out to be a bit of a challenge for our relationship as well.
The challenge that pregnancy has brought to our relationship has not been a physical or emotional one, at least not so far. Although pregnancy can be difficult physically, I am fortunate enough to have an extremely patient and caring husband who helps to lessen my burden, and I have been lucky enough to have avoided extreme mood swings so far.
Instead, our struggle has been a practical one. My husband has been in a new job for six months now, and unfortunately the job is not a good fit for him, so he feels a strong need to find a different job. The likelihood of him finding a job in our current town is essentially zero, so he has been actively applying to jobs in other areas. Unfortunately, that leaves us in the position to either move while I am pregnant or when we have a very new baby. neither of which is ideal. To make things more complicated, I am in a contract with my job until the end of May, and even if I didn’t, I would not want to leave before the end of the school year because that would cause a significant disruption to my students and to the other teachers.
All these factors leave us with two basic choices: my husband can stop applying for jobs until after the baby is born, or, if he gets a job, we can live apart until my contract ends. Not applying for jobs would be very stressful for him because he will feel even more stuck in his current job, and moving would probably be harder after the baby is born, while living apart while I am pregnant would be really difficult for both of us.
As you can imagine, both of us are pretty stressed over this, so this week I worked on looking at the positives of the situation. The good news is, we both have jobs right now, so we are financially secure. Also, my husband is finding plenty of jobs he can apply for, which is a good indication that he will be able to find a job that is a good fit for him. In addition, this issue will be resolved and behind us in six months one way or the other, so it’s not a permanent problem. When I put it into perspective, I can see that this is a stressful situation, but ultimately a positive one. Whatever we choose to do, we will be moving toward our goals, and we will be able to provide for our child.
What I learned from intentionally shifting my perspective from the positive was that shifting to the positive doesn’t require you to be unrealistic about the situation or to decide that you like the situation as a whole. It simply allows you to develop a more balanced attitude. I’m still stressed about how this all is going to work out, and I still wish it wasn’t an issue. Now, though, I feel more positive and I think I may be better equipped to shift back into a positive frame of mind when I start to stress. Try it out on one of your relationship issues if you haven’t already. Hopefully you will experience similar results!