Since we’re focusing this week on waiting until the mood is right to have serious discussions, I have been trying to find optimum times to bring up issues. Sadly, I am having a fairly significant problem with doing that this week. You see, not only am I pregnant, but we are moving this week. Being pregnant does not encourage good moods. Neither does moving. And if you put them together? Well, let’s just say that my good mood moments are few and far between at the moment.
What I have realized this week is that there are some times in life when it is a good idea to avoid serious issues entirely. If I brought up one of our major issues this week, those issues that are difficult even in the best of circumstances, chances of the conversation going well are minimal. Even a small complaint addressed this week could spiral out of control pretty quickly. So for this week, I’m keeping the issues I raise to the absolute minimum: things related to moving and our new house are allowed, like, “Have you scheduled a time to get the keys to the new house yet?” Anything else, I am keeping to myself until after this weekend, when we have successfully completed our move.
I’m also going a step further to match my conversations with my husband to what will work best for any given moment. I’m using the strategies we talked about for keeping peace during transitions, and particularly focusing on giving my husband grace for his inevitable crankiness as we prepare to move. So far we have both remembered that the move is causing our stress instead of blaming our stress on each other.
I have to admit, though, that I make no promises for this weekend. Is it possible that one or both of us will get overwhelmed by the move and take our stress out on the other person? It’s a definite possibility, maybe even a probability. The truth is, even when you are trying your best, stress takes its toll and you can find yourself doing things you would never do in a calmer moment. That’s one of the reasons that I hate those “87 Qualities of a Good Man” lists (and their female equivalents) that are always floating around. They usually have statements like, “He never makes you feel bad about yourself” or “He always treats you respectfully.” In reality, we do the best we can, but no one is perfect. I know that I have driven my husband to tears, and I’m pretty sure that in that instance I made him feel bad about himself AND was disrespectful. (It only happened once, thank goodness, and I was absolutely horrified that I hurt him so badly.) Fortunately, he knows my heart, and he chooses not to judge me on the occasional bad behavior. As I go into this weekend, and as you work through whatever stresses your marriage is currently facing, let’s all work to give this grace to ourselves and to our partners. Everyone deserves a do-over once in a while.